ONCE I WAS SMART

AT LEAST I THOUGHT I WAS. Now, not so much. Why, you ask. Oh, you didn't ask. Well, if you continue to read I'll tell you. I think I have mentioned this before, but in case you missed it, I am an old person. Old enough to take an old peoples magazine. AKA AARP. And in a recent issue this is what I read. These are things that will make my old people life easier and improve my life.
An earphone that uses bone conduction. A high tech type earphone. AfterShokz As500 Bluez 2 ($100.00) or the Panasonic BTGS10 ($200.00)
Then there is the Insight Switch ($60.00) that I can plug in between electrical outlets and home appliances and then turn them on or off with WeMo smartphone app. I can even get a test message from a pot roast. I can get a Crock Pot for ($130.00)  and turn down the Chili while I am at work. Or where ever I may be. It will ping when it is done. Also the WINK line connected home products and the HUE lightbulb set from Phillips ($200.00) which is controllable via a tablet or smartphone. I can also get my medicine in a special bottle with a Vitality Glow Cap ($80.00). The cap chirps when it is time to take a pill and I can press the button beneath the cap to order a refill. 
I can get a Pen ($150.00) that will write like a normal pen but it then sends what I wrote to my I phone. And if I don't have an I phone, but use Android products instead there is the Equil Smartpen ($150.00) that will do the same thing for a smart phone. Or I can get a Where's My Keys finder ($25.00) with four different colored receiver fobs to help me find keys that may have wandered off. Or a GreatCall Touch 3 ($150.00) and with a ($25.00) per month contract, it will contact me to emergence responders and I can receive medication alerts.  And if I am having trouble with the regular smart phone, I can get the Amplicom Power Tel 785 for ($250.00) which has big buttons and an out size volume capacity.  A separate wrist band unit vibrates when a call arrives, and then lets me answer with out picking up the phone. Eat your heart out Dick Tracy.
And if that isn't enough I can get the Jawbone's UP24 band ($130.00)  and the Polar Loop activity tracker ($110.00) that I can wear 24/7. It tracks how well I sleep, and as soon as the UP24 learns your sleep patterns, it will gently awaken you by vibrating when you are in your lightest sleep period. And in case I should get Alzheimer's, I can buy a GPS Smartsole, ($299.00) which is an insole for my shoes with a built in GPS tracking chip, so I can be found if I wander off. Or I can buy the Apple Watch ($349.00) and has a built in fitness tracker and a lot of watch-ified apps. It takes an i phone to make it work, though. And the Samsung Gear 2 NEO ($200.00) which does double duty as a portable music player. Or Motorola's MOTO 360 ($250.00) with a circular face and analog display. Voice activated controls means I can get directions by talking to my wrist watch. Man, Dick Tracy didn't know how good he had it.   
Had enough yet?  If not, then here's just a little more.
Smart Bandages with a wireless medical sensor that uses nanotechnology to take dozens of readings (heart rate, temperature, respiration rate, for example, displays them on a mobile phone or the internet and call your doctor when it senses a problem. Or contact lenses that measure glucose levels, deliver drugs and detect cancer. Or pills that contain a sensor activated by stomach acid to take readings and sent the data to a skin patch receiver, which relays it to a Doctor or caregiver. 
Well, if you have made it this far in this post, you may need one of those devises to issue you an aspirin to help with the headache. Now, I will admit that I have a phone that is smarter than I am, and I use it to make calls on and even occasionally send an e mail. But I can assure you, If I am capable of learning all the things listed in this post, and am willing to spend the $2798.00 to purchase all these things, I don't think I really need them. And if I need them, I probably don't have the mental capacity to learn them. Sounds like a vicious circle. One I would only get dizzy in. 
Seems like a lot of technology for those young enough to like all that. If I need to make a note, I will use a pen on paper, not one that costs too much money and sends the notes to a smart phone that I won't use any way. And all for what.  To make my life more miserable, not an improvement like the article tried to tell me it would.  I'll just stick to the old ways and embrace a little of the new ways. Like being able to blog. AND THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE DITCH BANK